My Beer Chart

I did not start drinking beer or any alcoholic beverages for that matter till my freshmen year in college. I generally refer to those years (pre-beer) as the dark ages. As I look back on my 5 year relationship with this divine beverage, I realize that my palette has evolved significantly since its inception. While many are much further along in their beer journey than I; this is where I am.

I used the Excel chart above to help me allocate the love properly. So what are the grounds behind the ratings criterion within the chart's legend?

Taste: Rating determined by taking the Initial/first impressions, multiplying by degree of smoothness, which is divided by the bite factor and then rounded to the nearest aftertaste.

Responsibility Factor: Rating determined by how much trouble I tend to get into when I drink the respective substance. basically, the higher the responsibility factor the less trouble I'm getting in.

Party Association: Rating determined by the degree I tend to use it in social situations multiplied by the volume of feel good and let loose ideas, subtract lowered inhibitions and then raise it all to the power of serotonin released in ounces .

Casual/With Food: Rating determined by how much I like to drink it casually or with food...durr.

Knee Jerk Factor: Rating determined by how often I tend to choose it instantly without even thinking twice about it.

Cumulative Awesomeness Factor to Date: Rating determined by how much sweet stuff that has happened directly correlated with its consumption to date.

Not including the Rainier my uncle had my try when I was 5; Miller Lite was my first taste of the immaculate beer world. Hats off to you Miller Lite. You were there when I needed you throughout college/beer-pong, you were chugged in many a parking lot before going into the club/bar and you were there to sing me asleep many a lonely night when my girlfriend broke up with me. Miller Lite, good call.


I learned to love this beer through association. My initial reaction to its distinct taste was unfavorable but because this was a common favorite amongst my friends it grew on me over the years. Although, it didn't really take years. Guess I just woke up one day and liked it. I also woke up that day with a boner but I'm not entirely 100% sure I can give Heineken full credit for that...but I am certain that somewhere between 72-94% of that credit can be attributed to how awesome Heineken is.

Pyramid Hefeweizen. I love this beer. I love everything about it. If I'm not mistaken it's brewed in Seattle, a city that tends to kill things. From the moment it hits my lips its grandeur never ceases to amaze me.


This beer is simply delicious. It's so delicious that sometimes I attempt to chew it while I'm drinking it. It's sort of like if Pyramid Hefeweizen had a cute little brother or the milk that's left-over when you finish a bowl of Fruit Loops. It's sweetness would compel me to categorize it as a dessert beer if there exists such a category. Lastly, Blue Moon has an unparalleled ability to compliment nachos and just about any other food worth smashing into your face.

Thank you Arthur Guinness for wielding your black magic and giving the world Guinness Draught and Guinness Extra Stout. When I think about Guinness I think of sake bombs and barbecues. One of my favorite beers hands down so long as I'm not eating or actively pursuing a buzz. My go to beer when I'm feeling responsible, which is almost never.


Before I conclude I must give an honorable mention to one of my favorite beers, Hitachino Nest Beer. Props to the Kiuchi Brewery in Japan for producing an epic arsenal of brews whose majesty knows no equal. I did not compare this beer to others in my handy-dandy Excel chart above for 2 main reasons:

• Price: The price for this elusive import puts it in a league of its own. Despite my love for beer, at ~$3.65/bottle it becomes a very real factor when deciding which beer to go with.

• Availability: Unlike the beers compared above you cannot readily find this beer, which would skew its score on the utility chart. Thus, it was not compared with the others.

Is it just me... or is it thirsty in here?